03 April 2010

Pajama Church

General Conference has made me nervous the last few times it has rolled around. It used to be an excuse for Dad to make an enormous breakfast, which we ate while still in pajamas and filling in answers on a seminary assignment, quietly taking bets on who would fall asleep first. It was a week off from the stress of Church.

Not so much anymore.

Dad still makes a big breakfast and if my sisters and their families are in town, they still rock out the PJ's. But for the last three Conferences, I have found myself holding my breath, not knowing if something will be said about Prop 8 and its aftermath, about marriage being attacked by the evils of the Adversary, about anything directed at perpetuating more judgment and intolerance for people who are gay.

If I was in a one-on-one conversation and a General Authority chose to condemn me and my decisions, I'm pretty sure I could walk away and not feel bad about it, because I know my own truths and that is more important to me than the opinions of people I've never met. But my family is faithful to the teachings of the Church, and if that same General Authority broadcasts a message that is directed against homosexuality, my family will hear that, process it, chew on it, and that could be potentially damaging to my relationship with them.

Will this speaker be the one who gives my family more Church ammunition? Will they turn me away because of what this elder says? Will this be the uplifting spiritual tidbit that really solidifies my eternal damnation for having a girlfriend?

It makes me nervous.

Happy Easter.


ControllerOne said...

Sorry to focus on a concept that wasn't the point, but thanks for bringing up the family conference memories. When I was little, we used to watch it at home, which was actually something new, at least for areas outside of Utah. A local station, Channel 40 (which was one of a total of 5 channels) used to broadcast it as a "public service". I guess there were enough Mormons in Sacramento for it to make sense.

Anyway, I have great memories of PJ's, breakfast, laying on the couch, falling asleep and just generally being grateful that I didn't have to get ready and go to church twice that day (I was too young for Priesthood).

And, more to your point, good luck with your family. I am out to my family and friends (who are mostly still all LDS), but I have to kind of bite my tongue when certain topics come up. Not fun.

El Genio said...

I share this same worry. As irrational as it seems, I feel like they are sitting there, listening to people explain how I am trying to destroy the family over and over again for 10 hours.

Anonymous said...

Just wait and see. If ur family really love you, they will not turn away from from u. l^_^