09 July 2009

Just Noticing

It never used to bother me that I didn't date. I had no desire to date guys, and still don't, so I just figured that was that, no dating, the end. Having been in denial for so long about being gay, I guess this isn't really surprising.

Now that I understand myself better, I'm noticing that I actually would like to date. I know it's not in line with Church teachings, not how I was raised, maybe it's a slippery slope, whatever and etc. But I'm noticing it.

When I thought there was no other option, this was not an issue. Dating wasn't fun for me and since I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about it, I didn't go out much. I never really understood what was so great about it. Now though, part of me feels like I've been missing out on something. So I'd like to see how it would be to date a girl. I'd like to see how it is to have a real connection with someone, to look forward to going out, to really enjoy time spent with another person when it's just the two of you and supposed to be slightly special.

Nobody panic yet...I'm not saying that I've made the decision to find a girlfriend. I'm just saying that it's an appealing thought that I'm not acting on. I'm just noticing it.


HappyOrganist said...

I'm not panicked.

ControllerOne said...

I totally understand the "missing out on something" feeling. I felt the same way a lot over the last few years, but during the last year especially. Why can't there be easy answers?

HappyOrganist said...

oh hell, we're All missing out

HappyOrganist said...

you know, you all are not the only ones "missing out"
what about everyone else. the single folks who can't find a date. the married folks whose husbands have pot-bellies and the neighbors look attractive. you do not have exclusive rights on "I wish I had, but I'm sad 'cause I can't"
again, a universal theme. Universal

anyone want a mint? (Andes mints. one of the finer things in life)

El Genio said...

Every date I ever went on in high school or college was because my friends strongly encouraged me to do so. For years I never understood how anyone could actually enjoy dating.

ControllerOne said...

The dating thing was always rough for me too. I actually dated a lot in high school which is why all my old friends were shocked when they found out I was gay when we were all in our late 30s. Come on. Mormon male, not hideously ugly and never married? Anyway, a date for me meant (1) showing everyone I was straight, and (2) watching the clock waiting for the dang thing to end and worrying about whether I was going to have to kiss her goodnight.

drakames said...

HAPPY: I'm not saying that this "missing out" feeling is only applicable to people who are gay, or to only this situation. I'm not claiming exclusive rights.

Let me use an example that is kind of extreme and quirky, but hopefully makes my point.

I'm allergic to bananas. So let's say that for the first 25 years of my life, the only fruit salad that was available had bananas in it. Everyone else loves it and raves about it. When I eat this fruit salad though, my throat starts itching and swells and it's generally just an uncomfortable situation. I can't understand why on earth anyone would love this salad so much, because it totally sucks for me to eat it. Now suddenly there's another fruit salad at the table, and this one has no bananas. Hurray! Another option! And it's one that won't cause the reaction the other salad did.

Maybe someone else is allergic to apples or cherries or pineapples. We all react differently to different salads.

I'm just saying that each person is entitled to their own life experience, and what one person misses out on is not necessarily the same as what a different person misses out on. Regardless, I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling, even though it's not about the exact same situation.

Hope that made sense.

drakames said...

ControllerOne and El Genio: I'm glad that someone else can relate! You guys are awesome. Thanks for understanding and letting me know I'm not alone.

I know where you're both coming from! I dated mostly because my family thought it would be good for me. I have a sister just a year younger than me and she was all about the dating. I used to watch the clock all the time when I was out, just wanting it to be over. And I'd worry about whether or not he'd want to kiss me goodnight too. Seemed like so much trouble for so little enjoyment.

Hopefully there's a happier ending...somewhere...

HappyOrganist said...

you guys and your dating stories ;-P

(btw, I think everyone has some anxiety about the potential kissing scene at the end of the date. whether you want it or not, there's plenty of fear and anxiety in all situations there [first dates anyway.. or something like that])

you should do what I did and skip the dating and jump right into the making-out scene. now that's good fun.

good luck!

[and Amy. my dear. you don't have to tell This person about food allergies. ] ;-D

my son has (had) tons of them years ago. in fact, that's how I met Em! so if any of you have food allergies, go see her. (except I bet she'll be retiring soon, if she isn't already)

HappyOrganist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alex dumas said...

Oh boy. I always thought I was the odd one out too, for not enjoying "dating" (AKA going out with guys). What a stress! And my sister was another of those that was all about it. Loved the boys and let them know it! My family & friends looked at me and asked what my problem was.

And, can I add, "dating" girls...looking forward to spending time with someone...is nice. I recommend it.

ps: word verification is a bother.