17 June 2013

Little Things Make Me Smile

...and most often, they involve a dog, or a photo of a dog, or some mention of a dog.

I can't wait to have a four-legged friend again.

12 June 2013

Being Brave

I have read from a few different sources that the song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles could be considered an anthem for the LGBT community.  I like Sara Bareilles.  So I finally listened to the song.  And I really like it.

I've been thinking about Grant a lot lately.  I've been kicking myself a little bit, because once upon a time, he wrote this really awesome blog post.  I liked it so much that I printed it, because I wanted to take his ideas and make them fit into my own life.  And now I can't find it.  I tried to retrace the blog steps but it was on a blog that doesn't exist anymore.  And it's not like I can ask him about it.

The post was called "No Apologies, No Regrets: A Gay Manifesto."  From what I remember, he talked about how he had noticed that a lot of Moho's see their "same-gender attraction" (or BEING GAY, for people who don't think it's a syndrome or a disease) as a negative thing.  He wasn't surprised, given the way we are raised.  But his point was that it didn't have to be.  He wrote a manifesto, or a declaration, where he stated his intentions.  I wish I could remember what some of them were.  And I wish I could find that printout!

I was going to write my own manifesto.  But I didn't.  And I still haven't.

I don't think suicide is something that is going to go away for us any time soon.  Yes, things might be getting easier as far as what the American population thinks, what the upcoming generation thinks, and the number of places where same-sex marriage is legal.  But, as we are so often reminded, there is still a long way to go.  And sometimes that long way is just too far.

We're blessed to be a tight-knit community.  We call each other FAMILY for a reason.  And unfortunately, due to outside circumstances that are so often out of our control, we end up knowing the sorrow that comes when someone in our family takes their own life.

I will never blame someone for making that decision.  I ABSOLUTELY WISH THEY WOULDN'T. But I always find myself in a place of sad compassion.  I always find myself wishing that they could have stayed around a little bit longer.  Just stay with us.  Just be brave for just a little bit longer.  I know it's not easy and I know that it's painful and I know that it can absolutely suck.  I know that you get tired of hearing people say that it gets better.  And I know that you want it to change and be better right now.  I wish I could snap my fingers and send all my love to anyone who was feeling that way, and make it all better.  I would.  I so would, in a heartbeat.

Life isn't easy.  I've been through some unimaginable heartaches.  And I'm glad that I'm still here.

If you're thinking about suicide, know that you aren't alone.  No matter how much it feels like you're alone and no one would miss you if you were gone, the ripples that will extend from a decision like that will reach farther than you could imagine.  You're important.  You are so important to this world.  Please reach out before you give in.  Because you're amazing.

Show me how big your brave is.


by Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing
you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
you can be the outcast
or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
or you can start speaking up
nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
and they settle 'neath your skin
kept on the inside and no sunlight
sometimes a shadow wins
but I wonder what would happen if you

say what you wanna say
and let the words fall out
honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

everybody's been there
everybody's been stared down by the enemy
fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
bow down to the mighty
don't run
stop holding your tongue
maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
maybe one of these days you can let the light in
show me how big your brave is

say what you wanna say
and let the words fall out
honestly I wanna see you be brave
with what you want to say
and let the words fall out
honestly I wanna see you be brave

innocence, your history of silence
won't do you any good
did you think it would?
let your words be anything but empty
why don't you tell them the truth?

say what you wanna say
and let the words fall out
honestly I wanna see you be brave
with what you want to say
and let the words fall out
honestly I wanna see you be brave

08 June 2013


As much as I love books, I also love music.  My dad is a jazz musician, so music has been a part of my life since before I took my first breath in this world.

I love a wide variety of music.  I'm not a huge fan of techno or country.  My world would be much better if I never heard another Sheryl Crow or Taylor Swift song.  But if you were to look at my iTunes library, you might be surprised at the diversity.  When I put my library on shuffle, it might go from a Stone Sour song, to an Incubus song, to a movement from Copland's Appalachian Spring, to a Reba McEntire (my ONE exception to the country music rule), to a Five Finger Death Punch song, then maybe something from a Broadway musical.

The thing that I love about music is its ability to speak to your soul.  Music can express emotion in ways that words never can.  And sometimes, when there are no words, music is where I turn.

I know there are a lot of things that are bothering me, things that I really haven't been dealing with.  The excuses are numerous.  The result of doing nothing is the same.  The first half of 2013 has really been filled with some difficult months.  As such, my iPod has gotten a lot of miles lately.  It makes my soul feel just a little bit better.

07 June 2013


I just finished reading Dan Brown's new novel, Inferno.  I am a big fan of his novels featuring Robert Langdon.  I find the symbology fascinating, and I have so much respect for someone as smart as Dan Brown, that he can create these intricate puzzles within the novel.

I really liked it.

In fact, I think that I'll add Dante's Inferno to my summer reading list.

I love books.  When I was a kid, my mom would take us to the library about every two weeks during the summer.  I would check out five books at a time.  I feel lucky that I love to read.  This is my summer reading list so far.  If you want to suggest any others, feel free to do so!

Inferno - Dan Brown
The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
Time for Andrew - Mary Downing Hahn
A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle
Inferno - Dante Alighieri
Darth Bane: Dynasty of Evil - Drew Karpyshyn
The Turn of the Screw - Henry James
The Aspern Papers - Henry James

I'm also thinking of re-reading A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin.  It's my favorite in the series.  And I've only read A Dance with Dragons (the fifth book in A Song of Ice and Fire) once, so I might look into that also.

Happy reading!