18 October 2010

My New Favorite You Tube Video

It Gets Better

It Gets Better - Zachary Quinto

17 October 2010


I know I need to get things out of my head when my dreams/nightmares are concerned about it all night long.

I hope I sleep better tonight.

16 October 2010


Sometimes I don't understand people.  I work with the public, I see them all the time, I talk with them, I answer their questions.  Granted, it's a specific type of interaction, but it's still being with them for an hour or longer.  You can learn a lot about someone in a short amount of time.  But even then, all that interaction with people doesn't help me understand them sometimes.

I suppose that's why it's understandable for me when I get misunderstood.  I know that it's difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes.  I know that even when you think you know a person, or know a little bit about them, that doesn't mean you'll understand where they're coming from. 

I get that there are misunderstandings.  But sometimes the reasons still make me scratch my head.

09 October 2010

Things I Learned This Weekend

1: I enjoy wearing a tie. I think the Half Windsor knot is my favorite. Maybe that's weird but oh well. I'm weird. I'm okay with it.

2: I would really enjoy it if I could find just straight-leg slacks. I don't like boot-leg or flare and I'm not into the "form fitting" look. Even better would be girl slacks with boy pockets. Girl pockets aren't made to hold ANYTHING.

3: Even if you guess that someone will decline an invitation to dinner, they would still like an opportunity to decline said invitation (sorry Sister).

4: Being in a city that you are familiar with while being with people who are unfamiliar with the city is weird. Also slightly frustrating/maddening when you don't have a loud voice.

5: I'm not super picky about hotel rooms but if the shower sucks, that's a problem. I'm glad I don't have long hair anymore.

6: October is an awesome time to get married in St. George. Congrats Mitch and Lee!

(million dollar phone approved)

Location:E 370 N,Washington,United States

06 October 2010

The Real Consequences

So I didn't watch Conference.  I don't have first hand knowledge of what Elder Packer chose to say.  But I did read the Salt Lake Tribune article.  It was the top story on the front page--GAYS CAN CHANGE.  Fantastic.

Here's my thing.  Elder Packer is entitled to his opinion.  Anyone is.  Say what you want, I guess.  That is your first amendment right.  But I also think that as a person in a position of power in a large organization, you have to be mindful of how your words and your opinions are going to reflect upon your organization.  I think you should also consider your audience.  When you are standing--or in Elder Packer's case, sitting--on a platform that is being broadcast out of the state, out of the country, shouldn't you get out of your Utah tunnel vision goggles? 

I know very devout Mormons.  I have friends, I have family, I have acquaintances that are dedicated and faithful to the LDS Church.  And I'm sure that if I asked them, not a single one would want one more child to die.

These kids that have been taking their lives are tragically young.  They are the future of this country, and now they are gone.  One is too many.  Now the count is at least at seven.  Young, bright kids, with so many beautiful things and experiences ahead of them, with potential to do great things and change the world, with families and friends who love them.  And they're gone now, because they couldn't bear the external and internal pressures they faced.

We think that words don't mean anything.  We think the weight that words have is easy to carry.  We think that we can state our opinions and no one is listening.  But they were listening.  Raymond, Justin, Asher, Tyler, Alec, Billy, Seth...and how many others?...they heard the message loud and clear that they weren't good enough, that God didn't love them, that they were so wrong to be who they were, and they couldn't live with it anymore.

If I was given the chance to do one thing on this earth that mattered, I would do something for them.  I would try to help all these gay teenagers who are rapidly losing hope, whose lights are burning out because of the words being thrown at them.  I would give them somewhere to go, to be safe, to be loved as they are, and I would try to help them know that they are beautiful and strong and just as good OR BETTER than they have been told.  Being different is not a reason to die.

Life is precious.  We should try to protect life and especially the lives of the children in this country.  Have your opinions, but remember that you never know who is listening to what you say, and you never know if what you say will be the final straw for someone who is struggling.

I've been that kid.  I've been to the brink.  I've been at the edge between life and death, wanting to take the final step out of mortality and into eternity.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  If we can help, we should.  If I can help, I will.

I really hope and pray with all my might that this epidemic will end.

04 October 2010

My Two Cents

This last week and a half has been a bit of a roller coaster.  Big stress stuff, dealing with the craziness that life can throw right at you. 

Probably the biggest curve was the sudden and unexpected passing of my grandma.  It's still really weird to me that she's gone.  It doesn't seem real, then it seems all too real.  This grandma is my mom's mother.  I went with my mom when she was with my uncles, making plans and being at the house, finding pictures, stuff like that.  I wrote my grandma's obituary and I spoke at the funeral.  Crazy.  I miss her.

I did notice though that through this, I felt a renewed sense of spirituality.  Many of us expressed such a sense of peace about the whole thing, a general feeling of okay-ness.  We know that she's with grandpa, that she's safe and whole.  We have sadness, because we miss her, but not sorrow.  She was an amazing woman, faithful and stronger than she knew.  We had a family fast, which I participated in.  I shook the dust off my scriptures when writing my thoughts for the funeral.  I consider myself to still be a spiritual person, even though I don't regularly attend church, but this was a different sense.  Perhaps it had to do with the nature of the reason for being spiritual in the first place.

Regardless, the spirituality part was kind of nice.  It was nice to be able to be stand in front of my family, in a church, and say the things that are truly in my heart.  While I would have much rather not had the opportunity as it presented itself, it was an opportunity to show my family that I am still a good person with a strong and current faith.  I may not be completely active in the LDS church, but I feel that I'm still close to God.

And then Conference happened.

My sisters live out of town and when they returned home after the funeral, my parents went with them for Conference weekend.  I chose not to watch Conference.

Facebook was all a-flutter with plenty of reactions though.  I am glad I didn't see or hear President Packer's talk.  It worries me that my family did.  I felt like we were making progress, and I am hoping with all the hope I have that it won't be set back by the message President Packer chose to give.

What will the consequences be?  Do the brethren think about that?  They talk about the Family: A Proclamation to the World, but do they think about all the families out there that have wedges between them, built with words spoken in their voice?  What about the mothers and fathers who want to be devout and follow the leaders of the Church, but love their children unconditionally (as I believe they should) and want them to have rights and protections too?  What about all the people they advised once to marry as a "cure" for same-gender attraction, whose marriages disintegrate, whose children cry as their parents separate?  Do they think about that?

Do they care about family or not?

I worry that they sometimes do not understand just have grave the consequences can be, that they do not understand how far their voices actually reach, that they may be saying things that will be the final straw for some struggling, quivering soul.  Some people need hope, but instead of finding the hope they so desperately need, they may have found yet another reason for shame, guilt, and devastation.

I'm sure not all of Conference was bad.  I'm sure there were messages of beauty and goodness too.  You can usually count on Elder Holland and President Uchdorf.

So there you go, that's my two cents.  I'm sure it's not worth more than that.  Just mostly thinking in the form of blog.