I was lucky enough to have my Great-Grandma for 26 years. This last Sunday, she passed away at the age of 99.
It was such a privilege to know her and to have her in my life. She was spunky right until the last two months or so. Relying on my faith, I'm grateful that she's with her husband again. My great-grandfather died fifty years ago, so I never knew him, but I know that she missed him a lot. I know that she watched so many people come and go, and it was difficult for her to be left behind for so long. The last couple years or so, she would comment that she missed people. I think she was ready to go too. I will miss her, and at the same time, I'm really happy for her. Knowing her changed me for good.
My Great-Grandma was not a member of the LDS Church. Since I have two sisters, my mom has already planned out which of us is doing which ordinance next year, when temple work for my Great-Grandma is tentatively penciled in.
My temple recommend expired last December. My parents know this and my mom has told me that I have a year to get it back. I'm sure she thinks it's just a matter of me making an appointment with my branch president. Not so much.
When the work was done for my Great-Grandfather, it was a really powerful spiritual experience for my Grandma, and they feel like he's accepted it. So I think it will be a good thing to have to work also done for my Great-Grandma. And I would like to be a part of it. But if I work towards getting my temple recommend back just for that...is that doing it for the wrong reasons?
I don't know if I want it back for me. I haven't missed having a temple recommend. I believe that there's work to be done, and I also believe that I am probably not the person for that job, because of my attitude and my personal feelings lately about the Church. I don't think that's fair for the person who's receiving the blessings of the temple on the other side of the veil. They should have a proxy who's all pumped up about it, in my opinion.
Of course, I'd prefer to be so lucky. On the other side, you can accept the Gospel without having to put up with the people and the politics.
Maybe this isn't the best week to be trying to figure all this out. There's still a lot of planning before the funeral on Tuesday. But as much as I try to push it away, it's still weighing on me. And it isn't easy.