23 March 2011

The Ones We Lose

I've recently been thinking about the ones who go by the wayside when our true identities are revealed.  This wasn't just a random thought.  I noticed the other day that I had been unfriended on facebook by two of my friends from high school. 

Now Facebook is not a huge deal to me.  It's not that they aren't my Facebook friends anymore that upsets me.  It's that they were really good friends to me in high school.  We were close.  Just the other day, I found a letter that T had written to me when she went away to college, encouraging me and telling me that I had so much to offer, and that I needed to find a way to share my personality and talents with the people around me.  She wrote that I was a good person.  She wrote that she was happy to be my friend.

But high school was awhile ago now.  I get that.  Things are different now, ten years later.  She's married, has a family.  And I'm not.  Instead, I came out.

I remember seeing things on my newsfeed from her, things that seemed more like something Glenn Beck would say than she would, so I guess I could have predicted that me changing my relationship status to dating a girl wouldn't go over so well.

And then there is the case of my former roommate.  Those of you who have followed this blog for awhile know what I'm talking about, but I'll provide a quick recap for those who have recently joined.  I was friends with C since my senior year of high school.  We worked together, and we became roommates after I got divorced.  We lived together for four years.  The closer I got to coming out, the further I got from her.  And when I finally did come out to her, she asked me to move out.  It was messy, and we really haven't spoken since.  That was about a year and a half ago.

Coming out is not an easy thing.  But we get lots of practice at it.  When we meet new people, we are constantly entering into that place of having to come out, or weighing the pros and cons of doing so. 

Not always the most pleasant place to be in.

So sometimes we lose people.  The lousy thing is, these friends will probably not be the last.  If they decide they can't accept me for me, it's unfortunate.  I don't know all of T or TE or C's reasons for deciding that they are better off without a gay friend in their life.  I don't fit into whatever box they define as their ideal life, I guess.  That isn't my fault.  It doesn't always ease the sting though.

Does it hurt?  Of course.  Is it worth losing friends if I can be true to myself?



Kiley said...

This was a great post. It sometimes surprises me who has rejected me since coming out. It does hurt on Facebook, in person, or just the omissions... People who used to call and just don't anymore.

I often wonder if this rejection is not what contributes to the "nice-ness" that is often attributed to LGBT people. It seems like we are always being referred to as super friendly and nice... Maybe because we are compensating for the rejection...

FindingMyWay said...

It always confuses at the thought of someone being uncomfortable in finding out that someone is gay. They're the SAME PERSON that they knew before!!! If _______ liked me and trusted me before, why do things change just because I'm gay? I'm still likable and trustworthy. I just don't get how that little (big) admittance makes people think we're all of a sudden a different person. Everything they knew of us before remains the same. All the reasons they liked us, served us, cheered for us, prayed for us, etc. remain the same! They just have a little more knowledge of us is all. C'mon people, lighten up and be a real friend!!

Michael said...

I just love you :)

Sarah said...

Hope you are well! Haven't seen you for a long time.

Facebook is an interesting place. Scott's brother and wife won't be friends with us on Facebook because of our views, although we seem to get along fine in person. It's all a little silly.