29 March 2011

A Grain Of Sand

I tend to be a lurker sometimes.  I don't always comment on blogs or Facebook threads, but I do a lot of reading and contemplating, and often sympathizing with the poor, unsuspecting soul who had a status update turn into a comment war between their friends.

Such was the case the other day. 

As I was reading the comments posted on this fellow Moho's status, one of the thoughts that crossed my mind was the degree to which a non-Moho does not understand the plight of a Moho. 

Here we all are, growing up in this faith, being taught the same things--marriage is under attack, only marriage between a man and a woman is ordained by God, homosexuality used to be a sin all by itself, but now it's not, and as long as you don't act of those same gender attractions (aka "temptations"), you're not a bad person...but not everyone believes that you're not a bad person, and there are those who still believe that it might be better to be dead than to be gay (SO UNBELIEVABLY NOT TRUE!!!)...and a non-Moho will take that at face value with no reason to question it.

For me, that grain of sand took a very long time to change into a pearl.  But I had to, because it was about me, and something inside me didn't buy what I was being sold.  I had reason to question, I had reason to doubt, and I had reason to chew on the conflict between what I was being taught and what I was actually feeling.

Someone who does not have that same grain of sand will never understand what that truly feels like.

If the leaders of the Church decided to proclaim that blonde hair was contrary to God's plan, how would someone born with blonde hair feel?  Perhaps they could dye it, make sure that no one knew, make sure that no one ever saw, make sure they did everything within their power to conform to what is acceptable in God's eyes.  But they would still have blonde hair.  And either you keep pretending you're a brunette, or you dare to question, to consider that blonde hair doesn't actually offend God, and maybe He thinks you're beautiful no matter what your hair color is, and maybe He still loves you despite the fact that your religion preaches against your "sinful" nature.

Maybe it's nice, to go to church and never worry about what will be said.  Ignorance may be bliss for some people.  But faith standing on ignorance seems awfully shallow to me.  Heaven forbid they ever meet the test that comes from a grain of sand.


jen said...

I've felt similar feelings before. I have now left the church, and when I talk to people who didn't want to know why, I just felt sad and jealous.

They said they were happy, and they didn't want to have anything shake their faith.

I WISH I could have lived so ignorantly. I wish I could have just been happy with the way things are, but I wasn't.

I'm not yet to the place that this a pearl. Right now, it still hurts.

Hidden said...

Wow. This is a really awesome post. Thanks for this.

Ben said...

I liked the hair color analogy.