28 June 2009

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

So I went to Scott and Sarah's party tonight. It was a good time! It was good to catch up with the two guys I knew, put faces to blog names, and meet new people. Plus I took the night off of work, which is always nice. :)

Once again though, I am a girl surrounded by guys. Thank goodness for Sarah, or it might have been awkward. I did have a lot of fun and really didn't feel as socially awkward as I have in the past. I consider that to be a success any day. While I don't always enjoy standing out, I've noticed that it's easier for me when I'm put in a social setting like this. As I was driving home, I realized that there are some really good things about this kind of situation.

First, there's really no pressure. I know that the boys aren't looking at me in any special way, and they know that I'm not looking at them that way either. It is really easy to just relax and enjoy the company of other people. It takes the speculation and expectations out of a social encounter, and I feel like it's more real in a way, more honest. And it's easier to be honest. And that's nice for a change.

Second, there's no one else with my name. I'm sorting through a lot of David's and Michael's, but I'm the only Amy.

Third, it's easy for me to step back and just watch. I really like people watching and just observing. Situations like this certainly afford me the opportunity. I can just be there, with people who are entertaining and caring and interesting to me, and enjoy the moments. I feel like I learn a lot about people this way and then it makes it easier to approach and converse with them.

All in all, I consider it to be an evening well spent. Thank you Scott and Sarah, for opening your home and not only inviting, but welcoming those who come. I appreciate your generosity and sincerity. Hope to see you again soon!


Abelard Enigma said...

Once again though, I am a girl surrounded by guys.

Why do you suppose that is? Surely there are just as many gay females as gay males - so why is everything so gay male lopsided? We see it here even in the mormon queerosphere - there are many more blogs by gay men than there are by gay women?

I have my own theories on this; but, I'd be interested in hearing your perspective as I'm certainly open to reevaluating my thoughts on the subject.

Troy said...

haha. there are a lot of David's and Michael's.

HappyOrganist said...

what fun! If you go to another party, tell me - maybe I'd go too (even though..)
Hey! - she lives down the street from me, you know. my husband drives past her house (practically) every day on the way to work.

drakames said...

Abelard: I've certainly wondered that as I've joined this blog world, gone to the Matis Fireside, and now gone to Scott and Sarah's Moho party.

Maybe it's because it's gay male lopsided already, so it just continues that way. If a girl starts wandering around the internet, searching for some info or someone that she can relate to and all she finds is guys...that can be really discouraging. It just adds to feeling like you're the only one, so you're less inclined to do anything about it.

I think also there's this idea out there that being gay just happens, but being a lesbian is the direct result of something happening to you, like abuse or a bad marriage or something along those lines. I think the message that comes through with that, at least for me, is that if a girl is a lesbian than it's her fault, like she was straight at one point and she allowed something within her control to change it. But if a guy is gay, then he had no choice in the matter and was never straight. It's like it's more acceptable for guys.

I don't buy into that idea, but I've heard it. Yes, I was married at one point, and it didn't last, but I had experiences before my marriage that were certainly clues to my orientation. I just wasn't paying attention to them. Actually being married was a huge wake-up call.

I know in the Church too (and maybe this is just in Utah) there's a very set, concrete idea of what a Sister is supposed to be. Being a lesbian pretty much takes a jackhammer to that concrete, and some Sisters just don't want to make all that noise.

Another problem is that I don't know how to find these other women. Like you, I'm absolutely sure they're out there. It would be good for them to know they're not alone, and it might do me some good to know that too. In my personal life, I know two other lesbians, and someone who is bi. I love being with them because it's a little more comfortable, and I know that they know what it's like. Being close to them helps me be closer to myself, you know? None of them come from an LDS background, so I don't know how well they'd do at a Matis Fireside, or even at Scott and Sarah's.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but those are a few of my ideas. I'd love to hear yours!

Troy: Fo' sho'! They're all super fun though!

H.O.: You'd have to ask Scott and Sarah. I didn't know you lived so close to them!

HappyOrganist said...

yeah, I *could* do that, I suppose. But why *wouldn't they want to have me?



I don't know.. maybe i'd never stop by. but from what I understand, the whole neighborhood is welcome (more or less).
Although.. i'm sure their house wouldn't be able to hold the whole neighborhood, so..
.. ;-)

Hidden said...

It was good to meet you!

HappyOrganist said...

k, so I checked out their house yesterday (I have that much free time.
no really, it was my second drive that day, trying to get the baby to take a nap [he's got an ear infection]). And it looks like maybe they could have the whole neighborhood over.

Nice neighborhood that. ;)

Jenz said...


For the first part of me coming out -- and for probably 10 years after --- all my friends were gay men. We were surrounded by them! And most of the time were the only girls there. Let's face it. They are just more fun! My wife and I related more to gay men than we did lesbians. I mean, we don't watch any type of sports, or play any sports, or coach any sports and it seems that all the lesbians we knew like to do those things. While we like to get dressed up and go out! Go dancing and to parties!

Also, it has to do with lesbians also being "couples" and rarely go to any lengths to get together in groups...unless it's other couples.

However, now that has changed in our lives and we still have the same gay men as friends, but we rarely hang out with them anymore -- they are just to wild for us. We have a small group of close close friends that we hang out with and that's about it.

Lesbians also -- if you don't know them well, or if they are single -- are so full of drama. And not in a good way. This we have learned. We would just rather hang out with the girls we know and trust and who respect us, our home and most of all, our relationship.

Public Loneliness said...

Hi Amy,

It was also nice to meet you!

hugs, pl

Sarah said...

Trust me, the whole neighborhood wouldn't want to come. :P

Glad you came, Amy, and that you felt welcome. See you again, soon, we hope!