Tonight at work, I met Elder Neil Anderson and his wife. They stopped by to eat on their way back home to Salt Lake. I wasn't their server, but I was managing tonight and part of my job is to do table visits and make sure the guests are happy. It was interesting to speak with them and I can't tell you how humbling it was for me to be in the presence of an apostle of God, and his saintly wife.
I know he's new, but I have to admit that the thought did cross my mind to ask him some questions. I thought about David's letter to the First Presidency and maybe asking Elder Anderson to check on it, see where it was and all that. I thought about telling him that I try to have an appreciation for the leaders of the Church and I try to sustain them, but it's getting harder to do. I thought about telling him about the difficulties and the pain that comes from being LDS and gay and not feeling like you can be both. I wondered if he would have had an answer for me, some little tidbit of Twelve Apostle Wisdom that could give me a glimmer of hope.
But I didn't. I just made sure their food was cooked how they wanted and they were enjoying everything and I shook his hand. He asked what my name was and said it was a pleasure to meet me. It was still a good experience for me, and one that I'll remember.
It made me think again about the possibility of seeking counsel from a priesthood authority. My records are in a singles branch, but I don't currently attend. I use the excuse that I work on Sundays, which is true...but it's also true that I could find a way to get to church if I really wanted to. I like my branch president. He seems like a down to earth guy. Then again, I've really only spoken with him a few times.
But I don't know if talking to him about being gay is something that I really want. I don't know if he could give me any advice that would be helpful. I worry that he might say something that would only offend me or hurt me or cause me to have bigger issues with the Church than I currently do. I don't want to think of it as making a confession, because I don't think I've done anything wrong.
Sometimes I want the relationship between me and the Church to work. I try to have a relationship with God, and I know I don't have to be active to keep that. But sometimes I miss Church.
I haven't made any decisions yet, but I'm kicking around the idea. Do the benefits outweigh the risks? Is there a right choice? I'm not sure. If any of y'all have any thoughts on this, I welcome your comments! :)