24 November 2009


I'm gearing up for Thanksgiving and having all the family together for the first time since I came out to them. NERVOUS. I won't actually see everyone in the same setting until tomorrow morning, when we all show up for family pictures.

My focus is on being the person I've always been. The truth is that I am changing as I go through my coming out process. The burden on my shoulder is lifting. I feel free and lighter. I smile more. I laugh more. I hate myself less. These are good changes I believe. But as far as my personality goes, I'm still the same. I want my family to see that. Maybe they'll see that I'm happier too.

I don't know what will happen on Thanksgiving when we're all gathered for dinner and stuff. I know my mom has mentioned that she'd like to have us all sit down and talk about what's going on with me. Hurray. I'm hoping it will be acceptable to be as honest as I can while being as respectful as I can. There are some questions I don't feel comfortable answering, and I'm thinking I'll probably have to say just that. But I'm also nervous about being able to be true to myself and not sacrifice my own happiness so everyone else can be happy. I've done that for so much of my life. I feel I need to tell them that if they don't want to know about the relationship I'm in, that's fine, and I'm not going to bring her around if she's not invited and won't be welcome. And at the same time, it's a relationship that is so important to me, and I won't spend every holiday apart.

I'm sure it's going to be fun. But I'm also sure it will be a difficult experience that will help me in the long run. Happy Thanksgiving.


El Genio said...

Good luck with the family! I'm a little nervous about how things will be around my extended family this year too. We'll probably end up dancing around the topic, unless someone makes an inadvertent comment.

I've always been of the opinion that if I ever do manage to settle down with someone it will be fine if family doesn't want him around, as long as they realize that I won't be around either.

alex dumas said...

I'd be nervous too! Hope it goes well for you.

Jenz said...

You are not going to want to hear this but you need to bring your girlfriend around. Think of how this is going to make her feel. Like she is a dirty secret. A wedge between you and your family.

In our situation...my wife and her mom hadn't spoken for 3 years after she told her about us. They talked on the phone one night and my wife said to her..."if you do not accept her, you will never see me again."

Well...to our surprise, her mom invited us to come visit that very weekend! Talk about awkward for me!! But i knew I had to do it for my wife. She had been in great pain being separated from her family and I knew she needed this. Well, that weekend her mom never even spoke to me or looked me in the eye at all.

Now, we are the best of friends, and I am fully integrated into the family. But that would have never happened if my wife hadn't pushed her mom.

I think mostly families are afraid that you guys are going to make out or do something inappropriate. Once they realize you are just like everyone else and won't embarrass them...they will be fine.