I'm gearing up for Thanksgiving and having all the family together for the first time since I came out to them. NERVOUS. I won't actually see everyone in the same setting until tomorrow morning, when we all show up for family pictures.
My focus is on being the person I've always been. The truth is that I am changing as I go through my coming out process. The burden on my shoulder is lifting. I feel free and lighter. I smile more. I laugh more. I hate myself less. These are good changes I believe. But as far as my personality goes, I'm still the same. I want my family to see that. Maybe they'll see that I'm happier too.
I don't know what will happen on Thanksgiving when we're all gathered for dinner and stuff. I know my mom has mentioned that she'd like to have us all sit down and talk about what's going on with me. Hurray. I'm hoping it will be acceptable to be as honest as I can while being as respectful as I can. There are some questions I don't feel comfortable answering, and I'm thinking I'll probably have to say just that. But I'm also nervous about being able to be true to myself and not sacrifice my own happiness so everyone else can be happy. I've done that for so much of my life. I feel I need to tell them that if they don't want to know about the relationship I'm in, that's fine, and I'm not going to bring her around if she's not invited and won't be welcome. And at the same time, it's a relationship that is so important to me, and I won't spend every holiday apart.
I'm sure it's going to be fun. But I'm also sure it will be a difficult experience that will help me in the long run. Happy Thanksgiving.