We're Everywhere

I just got back from family vacation.  The rest of the family is still out in California.  I had to work and I have school, so I had to come back early.

Initially I was not excited to go.  There was all sorts of stress leading up to leaving on this vacation and it was difficult to get fired up about it.  This was vacation with my mom's family, so her two brothers and their families and my grandma were all there too.  Out of the twenty people though, ten were from my immediate family.

We went to Disneyland / California Adventure.  I liked that we could hop back and forth from park to park, so I got to ride pretty much everything I wanted to.  I had fun with my youngest sister and her husband and my dad and I have been roller coaster buddies for years.  The nieces and nephew were of course adorable and they loved every second of seeing characters and riding kiddie rides. 

I really missed my girlfriend though.  It's so difficult for me to be with my family and have to censor everything I say so that they aren't uncomfortable.  I'm glad that my brother in law gives me space to talk about her and the things that really go on in my life.  He's such an incredible person and I'm glad he's married to my sister.

On Saturday, my dad and I went to the park earlier than everyone else.  I had a lingering feeling of sadness, missing my girl and wishing she was there to share the vacation with me. 

On this particular morning though, I happen to see several lesbian couples, one with kids, three without.  And even though I didn't talk to them, didn't really go near them, and only made eye contact with one girl, it was like their presence comforted me in some way.  I wasn't alone.  Something about seeing them just made me feel better and I knew it would be okay.

Later that night, I snuck away from my parents to buy a Mickey Mouse pin, shaped like Mickey's head but striped with the colors of the rainbow.  I thought it was funny and would make a good gift for my girl (and we had a good laugh about it).  I bought a Disney Star Wars pin for myself too.  The girl that was at the register commented that she thought it was a cool combination, being Rainbow and Imperial.  She also told me about a rainbow lanyard that Disney makes for pin collecting, because she wore it to Pride.  We had a small conversation, but an enjoyable one.  Again, it made me feel better.

I'm glad that we're everywhere and I'm grateful that my other family was able to be there for me when I needed them, even if they'll never know it.

Me and My Girl

I don't have pics from Pride yet. My computer and I are fighting.

My girlfriend and I did take some pics last night after Brandon and Michael's wedding though, and since I'm not fighting with my phone, I thought I would post some of those.

This is my girlfriend. She's my favorite. :)















I'm so lucky to have her. I just love her.

Perceptions

How would this be?

Someone I know was telling me that when his brother finally came out, his parents were ecstatic for him, because they had already assumed for awhile that he was gay. "Good for you," they said, "we know you'll be happier now."

When his sister got engaged to a Mormon, his parents called a family meeting to discuss it.

The "bad" and the "good" is really in how you perceive it.

Homeless

I suppose the title of this post could be somewhat misleading, so allow me to preface with this: I have not been kicked out of my house.

That being said, I am writing this post from the safety and comfort of my car, because I have the night off and should be studying for my history midterm, but I do not want to go home.

A brief summary of roughly the last ten months goes like this:

I lived for four years with a friend from high school. I moved out when I came out due to the strain that put on our friendship. I have not really spoken with her since. Not having many options, I moved back in with my parents. About three weeks later, I got together with my girlfriend. In September, her brother, whom she lives with, bought a house. And now to make a long story short, I keep my possessions at my parents house but I spend most of my free time and all of my sleeping time at my girlfriend's place of residence. Her brother has no problem with me being there and I want to be with my girlfriend, so that's where I am.

Moving forward...

I realized the other day that I am kind of mad at my parents. When my mom found out I was going to Pride, she made a comment about how I am just getting deeper and deeper into "this" and she doesn't like it. She used her best disappointed-in-you tone of voice. And I, of course, went to Pride anyway.

I guess it's frustrating because I thought she was making progress and it was apparent to me that she believes this "gay thing" will pass. I'm sure the Phase Argument is one that many parents go through. And even though this encounter was just with my mom, for some reason I have lumped my parents as one on this. Can I blame them for still reacting the way they do? No. Would I like to anyway? Absolutely.

And now, sitting in my car, I am realizing that I am much too independent at 27 to be living with my parents in any capacity.

That is a good thing. We're all suppose to fly the coop and live our lives. But it doesn't do me a whole lot of good when I have the night off but my girlfriend is working...and I don't want to be anywhere near my parents...and I am paying for school instead of rent...and my girlfriend wants to get out of debt before we get a place together...

Hence, the title. Right now I feel homeless.

At least I love my car. ;)

(million dollar phone approved)

Pride Highlights

Pride this year was so much better than last year and I loved every second of it! If you have never been to Pride, next year you should go with me.

Here's a few significant moments:

** The very best thing ever was that I was there with my beautiful girlfriend and we could actually hold hands and act like a couple without any fear!

** The sunshine was out instead of hiding behind massive rainclouds, and I was not soaked to the bone.

** I remembered sunscreen and didn't get sunburned (which is really quite a feat for me and my fair skin).

** I got to dress how I wanted, spike my hair, and sport a bandana.

** I got to spend all day with great friends and wonderful people in a safe and accepting, supportive environment.

** We saw from afar and had a very brief encounter with my girlfriend's ex-wife, which was interesting to say the least. Good or bad? Probably neither, but definitely memorable.

** I saw three of my favorite boys, Michael, Brandon, and Michael, and they got to meet my girl. LOVE them!

All in all, it was just as wonderful as I hoped it would be. It was awesome to actually be free. It was beautiful to feel free. And hopefully I can get the pics I took uploaded to my computer soon.

Hope your Pride weekend was good for you too, no matter where you are.


(million dollar phone approved)

Weird

Today in my Geography class, we discussed the layers of the Earth. I have heard this before on someone else's blog, but I now have firsthand knowledge of the Mohorovicic Discontinuity, shortened to the Moho Discontinuity.

And it's really weird to hear the word "Moho" from your college professor and know the conversation has nothing to do with religion or sexual orientation.

I wonder if anyone else in the class knew of the "other" kind of Moho.

Can't wait to see it on a test!

How I Do Pride

Pride is this weekend and I am so excited! Last year was my first Pride and it managed to be both great and miserable a the same time. I was only out to about four people. It was an amazing experience to be in an environment where it was 110% acceptable to be loud and proud about who you are. At the same time, I felt sadness about not being more out. And I vowed that never again would I be in the closet for Pride. I made it a personal goal to make great strides before June 2010.

Mission accomplished! I have a short haircut, a girlfriend, and a rainbow belt, all of which will proudly be accompanying me to Pride. I will also have my amazing friends, who love and support me in being who I am. I'm out at work and to my immediate family, which really is the majority of my social circle. That's really quite a feat for one as introverted as me.

I'll be there Sunday. Will I see you there?

-- blogged from my iPhone --