07 August 2009

Sometimes I Forget

This week has felt really weird. I haven't worked much because of my Great-Grandma's funeral, and I'm not used to having much time off. It's really thrown off my groove.

The funeral went really well though. There wasn't as much drama as there could have been and it was a nice tribute.

The reason I'm blogging about it though is this: I went around the corner from where the viewing was taking place to talk with my sister and her husband. My aunt, my dad, and a few family friends were out in the hallway as well. We started talking, they asked about what I was up to, and I told them I was just working and going back to school. My aunt started talking about nursing school and how she didn't like it, but she loved nursing once she was done with school. Somehow, she mentioned that there had been a few instances of female instructors, who liked other girls, hitting on students. This successfully launched an anti-gay conversation.


I agree, teachers hitting on students is not a good thing, no matter what the gender. I'm not sanctioning this choice by any means. But the other stuff, the "no morals," the "disgusting," the "plain wrong," all that stuff I could have easily done without. I excused myself from the conversation, but not quite fast enough.

I've been so focused on surrounding myself with supportive people that I'd almost forgotten there was still this other side, and that it was so close to me. I guess I've gotten good at ignoring their negativity. Of course in the moment, this further compounded the sadness I was already feeling. It was just another reminder about how some people can be really hurtful when they don't understand.

Thank goodness for my friends, both gay and straight, and how their acceptance and support means so very much to me. You're like my blanket, wrapped around me when it's cold outside, comforting and strong. It's good to know I always have a family in you.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry about your grandmother's death. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love.

And, I am sorry for the mea-spirited and not-understanding comments from members of your family about gay people. That stinks. Hearing disparaging remarks like that is a death of its own kind. You had two funerals in one day. I am SO sorry.

Here is to a better day tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

I have been wondering, Amy, if you have tried any online support groups to assist you in being a gay woman in the Church?

I have followed your blog from almost its beginning and know you are having questions and feelings about the Church and your ability of whether to stay with it or leave it behind.

A support group mught be able to offer you some different perspectives and stories from others who have gone through/are going through what you are.

I hope I am not being a bud-in-sky. I do not mean to be one.

ControllerOne said...

I've been in those very same conversations. And I've felt the same sadness walking away from them, especially when I heard such comments from people I admired and respected.

I think if they knew about you, they would be ashamed and embarrassed regarding what they said. I try to remember that the social conventions of traditional LDS (and most fundamentalist religions) puts pressure on these good folks (and I believe most of them ARE good) to hold and express those opinions. In other words, the pressure you feel to not disclose your sexual orientation is the same pressure they feel to express disapproval of it.

Keep hanging in there. You are definitely one of my favorites in the gay LDS blog community!

Jenz said...

Controller is right. If they knew you were gay...they would not say such things and their opinion of gay people would change because they know and love you and know you are not disgusting...etc. That's how you change people ... one person at a time.