04 May 2009

Out On The Town

Nights like tonight make me think more about coming out to the public at large.

I had a blast today with a bunch of people, the majority of whom I did not know when I woke up this morning. I think Mark is the only one I had even talked to before tonight. I am usually not that socially brave! I spent probably about six hours hanging out with these guys--Mark, Michael, and Michael. They're "family" and I hope that now they are also friends. We met for lunch, hung out in SLC and Provo, and went to the Matis fireside.

It took me a little bit of time to get used to being with these three guys who are out and at ease with being out. I don't really have anyone in my daily social circle who is gay, and I am SO not out, so it took some adjusting for me at first. As it became more comfortable to talk about being gay and get used to them asking me questions about what it's like from a female perspective, I really enjoyed it! It was a really good experience to be with friends and know that I was okay how I was and I didn't have to hide or make excuses.

I met and talked with a lot of people at the fireside and afterward at the Matis' house. It was amazing to be there and be welcomed by strangers, and feel a connection with them because of our struggles. I am really glad that I got to spend time with them.

Also, Brother and Sister Matis spent a few minutes talking with me about getting more women to come to the firesides. Girls are few and far between there, and I did notice the feeling of being an anomaly, surrounded by all these boys. They invited me to come to their home any time or call them any time. They said they felt like they understood more about what it's like for guys than for girls, and they wanted to get my opinion and my perspective, to potentially get more women to come. I don't know that I'm really the best one for that job, but I can definitely tell that Brother and Sister Matis are very sincere and genuine in their desire to reach out and help members of the LDS Church who are gay. They are supportive and caring. They want us to know that we're not alone.

And I appreciate that, so much.

So, if you're a woman, or if you know a woman who is struggling with same-gender attraction (to use the LDS friendly terminology), take a look at going to one of the Matis firesides. It would be awesome to get some more girls there.

It seems like there is so much out there for gay men and not a lot for women. But homosexuality is not just specific to men, and I know that I've found it personally frustrating at times to want support and look for support, to want to know that I'm not the only one. So also if you're a woman, or if you know a woman, I don't know if I can do any good or reach you from this blog, but I think I'd like to try. Maybe that's something I'm supposed to do.

And I'm going to give some more thought to possibly opening my closet doors a little more. It was nice to feel free. Thanks Mark, and Michael, and Michael! I like hanging out with gay friends! :)


alex dumas said...

I don't like the label: gay. Lesbian. Same-gender attracted. Whatever. It's like if I had a tendency towards alcoholism and I had a sponsor to help me stay "clean," it would be nice to hang out with others who share the struggle, but I wouldn't call them my drunk friends. Or my AA friends, even. I just don't like it.

But I'm very glad you enjoyed the fireside. :)

Jenz said...

I am comfortable with the label lesbian. Call it what you will. Although I do not "struggle" with SSA. My struggle is over. I am comfortable and happy with who I am. You are welcome anytime to email me anytime you want. I'll help you if I can.

drakames said...

Alex: I mean no offense. I'm not a fan of labels really myself. I guess I just meant that I'd like to have more friends who understood me. It was really cool to just be able to be real and talk about life how we live it. I know they weren't judging me, cuz they feel the same way, you know? They know what it's like. That's really what I want.

This blogosphere is nice for that very reason. I know that y'all understand. AND I'd like to have that in the "real world" too.

That's all I meant. I'm sorry if it didn't come across that way.

Jenz: I know what you mean. I think "struggle" is the wrong word, but I'd heard the phrase so many times that day, that it just popped up.

Maybe I should have proof-read this post a little better, right?


alex dumas said...

No offense taken. Just wanted to put out there how I feel about words. I'm a word person. I try to choose the ones that describe best what I want to say. It's just me.

When most people use that word "gay," they're talking about a lifestyle that defines them. And I disagree with that. People are SO much more than what they are attracted to. I hate generalities.

I am glad you're here, drakames. There aren't enough females willing to admit they think and feel against the grain.