Nights like tonight make me think more about coming out to the public at large.
I had a blast today with a bunch of people, the majority of whom I did not know when I woke up this morning. I think Mark is the only one I had even talked to before tonight. I am usually not that socially brave! I spent probably about six hours hanging out with these guys--Mark, Michael, and Michael. They're "family" and I hope that now they are also friends. We met for lunch, hung out in SLC and Provo, and went to the Matis fireside.
It took me a little bit of time to get used to being with these three guys who are out and at ease with being out. I don't really have anyone in my daily social circle who is gay, and I am SO not out, so it took some adjusting for me at first. As it became more comfortable to talk about being gay and get used to them asking me questions about what it's like from a female perspective, I really enjoyed it! It was a really good experience to be with friends and know that I was okay how I was and I didn't have to hide or make excuses.
I met and talked with a lot of people at the fireside and afterward at the Matis' house. It was amazing to be there and be welcomed by strangers, and feel a connection with them because of our struggles. I am really glad that I got to spend time with them.
Also, Brother and Sister Matis spent a few minutes talking with me about getting more women to come to the firesides. Girls are few and far between there, and I did notice the feeling of being an anomaly, surrounded by all these boys. They invited me to come to their home any time or call them any time. They said they felt like they understood more about what it's like for guys than for girls, and they wanted to get my opinion and my perspective, to potentially get more women to come. I don't know that I'm really the best one for that job, but I can definitely tell that Brother and Sister Matis are very sincere and genuine in their desire to reach out and help members of the LDS Church who are gay. They are supportive and caring. They want us to know that we're not alone.
And I appreciate that, so much.
So, if you're a woman, or if you know a woman who is struggling with same-gender attraction (to use the LDS friendly terminology), take a look at going to one of the Matis firesides. It would be awesome to get some more girls there.
It seems like there is so much out there for gay men and not a lot for women. But homosexuality is not just specific to men, and I know that I've found it personally frustrating at times to want support and look for support, to want to know that I'm not the only one. So also if you're a woman, or if you know a woman, I don't know if I can do any good or reach you from this blog, but I think I'd like to try. Maybe that's something I'm supposed to do.
And I'm going to give some more thought to possibly opening my closet doors a little more. It was nice to feel free. Thanks Mark, and Michael, and Michael! I like hanging out with gay friends! :)