Don't know if you can tell from my last post, but this week has been very explosive. Both my sister and my parents confronted me about whether or not I am gay. So now everyone knows, whether I was ready or not, whether they wanted to or not. What's done is done.
Cue the tension.
Unfortunately, the conversation I had with my parents wasn't very long. They didn't get home from church until 2pm and I had to be at work by 3pm. I think I would feel better if it would have been a knock-down-drag-out conversation, because I still feel like there's lots more to say and talk about, but I don't know when that's going to happen.
My sister (the middle sister) sent me an email asking me flat out if I was or wasn't gay. She mentioned that she didn't feel comfortable talking about it, so I sent her an email reply. She's having a tough time with it.
My youngest sister, who has known for a few months, is feeling like our family is being torn apart. Both my mom and my middle sister have been calling her and leaning on her for information. To her credit, my youngest sister has told them over and over that it's not her information to share. But that takes its toll.
My mom wanted to talk to me over Sunday lunch. She did all of the talking. My dad pretty much just shut down. He stared at his plate and wouldn't look at me or my mom. I got the impression from my mom that she thinks it's just a phase to get through and everything will be better on the other side. I know that she thinks being gay is a choice, and there were a couple times where I felt like she was saying to me "you know better than this."
Today, both my parents are acting like nothing happened yesterday. But for me, it will never be the same. It can't be.
So the TNT left a big crater, but no one wants to look at it, or talk about it, or find a way to live with it. Maybe we'll just keep walking around it for the rest of our lives instead of trying to build a bridge across. But what's done is done.